1 year for 1 day

As one who lost a parent (Mom) at a young (impressionable) age (12), this was an interesting article and one that allowed me to reflect.

I grieved, and was depressed; though not abnormally so,
I had no pretense of putting up a facade to help my Dad (who lost his wife) & Grandma (who lost her daughter) cope,
I was not aware of much support from educators or others outside my immediate family & friends,
I didn't have fears that my Dad would also get sick & die,
I didn't have a tendency to commit violent (or other) crimes,
I didn't turn to drugs or exhibit other troubling behaviors,
I didn't grow up as a lost soul.

I also don't consider myself anything other than normal for not having any of the above. I'm sure that I had some coping mechanisms - that after almost 40 years - I don't remember the specifics; but death is part of life. My Mom died after a long illness, in & out of the hospital over a year & a half - so it wasn't a sudden loss; though I never had a chance to say goodbye & was shocked when my Dad told me (we were supposed to go to a LA Dodger game that night, they lost 8-4 to the Reds). I had vivid dreams of her long afterwards. I have pictures, slides (remember those), and 16mm film to view; nothing with the sound of her voice however.

I found this perhaps the most interesting - "73% believe their lives would be 'much better' if their parents hadn't died young; 66% said that after their loss "they felt they weren't a kid anymore." I'd be interested in how those folks categorize "much better" as it is a hypothetical? Obviously if I could change the fact of my Mother's passing to live a normal life, I would. How much that would change or increase the quality of what my life became after her death, is pure conjecture. It also potentially devalues what contributions the support structure of my friends & family have had in my life subsequent to her death.

I think organizations such as Comfort Zone are good if they head off the tendencies described in the article. But I would suggest that the best way to proceed is having the strong support of a loving family. Outsiders, no matter how well qualified or objective, are still outsiders - and don't have the inside scoop on what it is that is you.

As to the prime question - would I give up a year of my life for another day? - I'd have to say no. Would that be fair for my family, my kids? Do I really believe my Mom would want me to shorten my life to spend one more day with her? I think that's a very selfish proposition. [OK maybe I'd give up 1979] I would also surmise that the majority of those surveyed would probably describe themselves as being a member of some religion (92%) and an afterlife (85%). So I find it perplexing that of those 57% in the survey who indicated they would give up that year for a day, that they can't wait.